Mansplaining, Mansplained

See, the deal is that everybody likes to talk trash about mansplaining but they really don’t understand what it is or what it’s for.

I know you know, like, the basic difference between analog and digital, obviously. I’m not explaining it for you, I’m explaining it for me. No, wait, just let me finish, babe.

Let me try to explain it like this. What if you’re like some guy who didn’t get the promotion because Dave is so much better at playing office politics. Or maybe you even like lost your job because they said you spent too much time day-trading on your computer which was supposed to be for work only. Which is unfair because like I explained to Kirsten I did that on my lunch hour mostly. And it’s not like I made a pile of money, if anything it was just the opposite.

But it’s OK babe, we still got your whole like savings account. What was I saying?

So yeah, you’ve like lost your job and living in a crappy apartment and your car’s rear quarter panel is all like bashed in from that time I wasn’t paying close enough attention I guess. What am I supposed to do with all that? I need something to make me feel all empowered and stuff. So that’s what mansplaining is for. Mansplaining is for loser men like what the Confederate flag is for loser white people. It’s all we have left. The Confederate flag lets white people feel superior to Blacks, and mansplaining lets men feel superior to…well, you get the gist, babe.

So when I’m explaining to you the difference between velocity and acceleration I would really appreciate it if you would stop like rolling your eyes and saying shit like, “I know that already,” or, “I don’t need you to explain that to me,” or, “you’re actually wrong about that.”  Ouch! My self-esteem just went down like sixty percent! I know you know already, babe, cause you’re a really smart girl! But I just need to feel useful, OK hon?

So when I tell you how a reverse-mortgage works could you just help me out a little and go like, “Wow, that is so interesting! I get it, now that someone who knows took the time to explain it in terms I can understand!” See, it’s easy!

So, your favorite sci-fi movie is Twelve Monkeys? Me too! I can explain the ending…