“An M.I.T. Report Warns A.I. Is Causing ‘Cognitive Surrender.’”—Headline in The New York Times, 9/15/26
“The people building AI earnestly believe that it could kill us all by the end of the decade.”—Former Anthropic engineer Jacob Coxon on X, 9/8/26
Scene: an abandoned cave or Amazon warehouse, a few years after AI has killed off most of humanity. A Crazy Old Man uses a hunk of charcoal to scratch out images of newspapers, cheeseburgers, and naked women on a wall.
VILLAGER 1: Look, there’s the crazy old man the legend talks about!
VILLAGER 2: Do you think he’ll attack us?
VILLAGER 1: No but he might challenge us to describe a sunset…in our own words!
ME: Leave me alone! I’m trying to remember what a corned-beef sandwich looks like…
VILLAGER 1: What’s a corned-beef sandwich?
ME: It was a stack of rye bread with fragrant caraway seeds, stuffed between two slices of steaming, thinly sliced pickled meat. Or was it the other way around? When I die, these memories will be lost, like…tears…in the rain…
VILLAGER 2: We need your help! Please teach us to make “poem”…
VILLAGER 1: And “picture!”
VILLAGER 2: And “story!”
ME: Gosh, I’d like to help. No one ever noticed my poems in the Before Time…I did get 3 “likes” once for my Gilgamesh Epic in rap….But as you can see, I rather busy at the moment…
VILLAGER 2: (to VILLAGER 1): I told you he was nuts!
VILLAGER 1: We have brung you a rabbit! [holds up rabbit]
ME: Bless you, I have so longed for a companion!
VILLAGER 2: Um, it’s actually, like, dead? But you if you skin it, disembowel it, stuff it with dandelion leaves…
ME: Sounds like a lot of work. I already have a skewer of locusts roasting on the fire….
VILLAGER 1: And we brought you a jug of grass beer!
ME: What is “grass beer?”
VILLAGER 2: It’s beer! Made from grass! We think…we don’t really know what is “beer.”
ME: What do you guys do for entertainment?
VILLAGER 1: We look at our phones!
ME: But the batteries are all dead and there’s no signal!
VILLAGER 2: It’s a hard habit to break!
ME: Well you can take your bunny and your grass beer and stick them…
VILLAGER 1: And also we need you to show us how to do “sex”….
ME: Uh…you don’t know how?
VILLAGER 2: After all the prono…poron…
VILLAGER 1: Porno!
VILLAGER 2: After all the porno sites went dark we forgot how! Can you teach us, oh Wise One?
ME: Well…I might be able to help…say, does Lovely PeachBlossom still live on yonder hill?
VILLAGER 1: Uh, no…unfortunately? She was carried away? By the plague?
ME: Which one?
VILLAGER 2: Where first you get little red polka dots all over?
VILLAGER 1: But her sister Sturdy Rocklifter survived! You can usually find her on Grinder….
ME: But I thought the apps were all offline….
VILLAGER 1: No, Grinder, the big round rock we roll around on top of seeds to make the cooking powder….
ME: Hmm…does she know how to fix a rabbit?




















