VOICEOVER: In a world where everything is a lie…
SCENE: Court room
JUDGE: Does the defendant have anything to say before sentencing?
VOICEOVER: …only one man knows the truth…
TRUMP: I’m not sorry, your honor…because I didn’t do anything wrong!
VOICEOVER: They sent him to a place some call Georgia…and some call…hell on earth!
SCENE: Dirt road in rural South. White bus passes under archway with sign: Georgia State Correctional Farm. CUT to front stoop of prison HQ.
WARDEN [Looking at file] Now it says here that you was elected president of the Intire United States of America!
TRUMP: Yessir.
WARDEN: And then you lost the re-election, denied the results, got yourself impeached for the third time, and got arrested for trying to overthrow the democratic process!
TRUMP: No, I’m sorry, I have to stop you there, that’s completely wrong, I actually won the election, and it’s the leftwing mainstream media and their buddies in the illegal weaponized justice department who conspired to rig the results because they can’t stand…
WARDEN: [turning to PRISON GUARD] Jesus Christ in a jumpsuit, does this guy ever shut up?
PRISON GUARD: No boss, he’s been going on like that ever since we picked him up. We think he might be …a few votes shy of a simple majority, if you know what I mean…
VOICEOVER: To the system, he wasn’t a man…he was inmate P01135809!
SCENE: A row of inmates stands knee deep in a swamp, overseen by a GUARD on horseback.
GUARD: Now someone done told me…that y’all been itchin’ to drain the swamp! [Tosses a shovel in front of prisoner TRUMP] Well, go ahead then…drain it!
[CUT TO later. Exhausted prisoners are now standing on dry ground.]
TRUMP: We drained the swamp, boss, just like you said!
GUARD: Fine, that’s just fine. Just heard from the warden, boys…he wants you to fill it up again!
VOICEOVER: One man…and his loyal friend…
SCENE: Prison cafeteria. INMATE sits at steel table across from TRUMP. Next to Trump sits a SAD LITTLE MAN
GIULIANI: Hey, could I have a couple of those French fries?
TRUMP: No. [TO INMATE] So what are you in for?
INMATE: Multiple homicides. You?
TRUMP: Attempting to subvert an election.
INMATE: You stay away from me. Who’s your friend?
TRUMP: He’s not my friend.
GIULIANI: My name is Rudy. I used to be mayor of New York!
TRUMP: Shut up. [to INMATE] It’s all a witch hunt, anyway. I didn’t do anything wrong but they got me on that stupid RICO law.
GIULIANI: My name is Rudy. I invented RICO!
TRUMP and INMATE: Shut up!
INMATE: So how long are you in for?
SIDNEY POWELL: Not long. We got a plan to get him out of here.
TRUMP: Dammit, Sidney, stop doing that, you’ll give me a heart attack! How’d you get in here anyway? This is a guys’ prison!
POWELL: I just showed up uninvited. Like your staff meetings!
TRUMP: You know, the guys in here really aren’t so bad. When you’re famous they’ll let you do anything. You can kiss ‘em, you can grab ‘em by the…
VOICEOVER: Imprisoned for a crime he didn’t commit, the world forgot him…until one day…
SCENE: [THOMAS mansion, the morning room]
CLARENCE: Honey, would please pass the albino sturgeon caviar…
GINNI: Yes dear, as soon as you stop hogging the Château Lafite Rothschild ’64.
CLARENCE: No reason to get snippy, my little Tea-Party titmouse, there’s more in the cellar…[frowns at the newspaper in his hands] I say, my love, have you seen this? It appears that our persecuted heroic friend has suffered a cruel criminal conviction which I’m sure can be overturned using some obscure legal technicality!
GINNI: Like, he sincerely believed the election was rigged!
CLARENCE: That’s pretty lame…
GINNI: Well I sincerely thought the election was rigged… are you calling me lame, dearest?
CLARENCE: In accordance with my rights as a citizen, as set forth in the 5th amendment to the Constitution of the United States of America…
VOICEOVER: Only a miracle could save him…
SCENE: [Warden’s office] Well, number P01135809, looks like your lucky day has arrived. I got a telegram here from up in Washington, DC. Guess we gotta let you go. You done been re-elected president of the Intire United States of America!
TRUMP: Great. You’re fired, by the way.
WARDEN: Hurry up and get your things, there’ll be one a them stretch limos at the gate, with Melania and that Ye feller and who knows who inside, and Tucker Carlson getting’ a big ole stiffie just waitin’ for the exclusive interview, and…hey, where you think you goin’?
TRUMP: I gotta get out of here, the people are waiting for me!
WARDEN: No they ain’t! Joe Biden beat you worse than the Georgia Bulldogs are gonna beat the Tennessee-Martin Skyhawks in this year’s season opener! Which in case you don’t follow college football, means real bad! I just wanted to see the expression on your face! Guard, take this ole pile of perpetrations back to the hole!