1. After my second term ends in January 2033 I will still be well under 80 years of age. So that right there!
2. I have never been convicted or even indicted for any crime, okay once I was stopped for going 45 in a 30 mph zone but even that was totally bogus.
3. If I stood in the middle of Times Square and shot someone I would definitely go to jail for a very long time. But here’s the deal: I never would. Even if you like held my family hostage and forced me to I would still aim for the shoulder or something.
4. The only thing I ever got from a billionaire? Kicked out of the member’s only clubhouse. It was a hot day and all I wanted was a drink of water and a place to go pee.
5. Do any other candidates have a patent? I do: U.S. Patent 7,836,140 B2 (look it up!) Sure, there are a bunch of names on it, but it was totally my idea!
6. I’m a certified ESL (English as a Second Language) instructor. That means I can communicate with anyone…even those idiots in Congress!
7. I would be really easy on the White House budget. The menu for a state dinner? What’s on sale at Costco? Frozen salmon, flank steak, whatever. Those chickens they got already roasted are nice. Along with those little potatoes you can just cook in the microwave. But no liver!
8. (Can’t think of anything)
9. I like long walks and dinners by candlelight.
10. All the stupid, embarrassing stuff I did happened before cell phones and YouTube.
11. You can’t bribe me. A while ago I gave up my Kawasaki 650 Ninja motorcycle. After that, there’s really nothing I want bad enough to betray my country for.
12. I love this country and every son of a bitch in it!
The Garden of Eaton 