I will not stand by and let looney [sic] Marxist UT [University of Texas] professors poison the minds of young students with Critical Race Theory.—Texas Lieutenant Governor Dan Patrick via Twitter, February 16, 2022

The proletarians have nothing to lose but their chains. They have a world to win. Working men of all countries, unite!—Karl Marx

Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.—Matthew 5:5

Dear Mr. Patrick,

Thank you for doing your best to protect our children from those loony Marxist professors who infest our state’s flagship public university. But I have to call your attention to a frightening example of radical religious teaching that has been allowed to spread like a disease all across our state. (Like a phony, made-up disease, I mean.)

It all comes from a horrid little book they call “the Bible.” Especially Part 2, which is all about a radical freedom fighter named “Jesus” who wants to destroy our traditional way of life. For example, it says “blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth!!” And later on in the same part it says, “It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of God!!” Evidently this “Jesus” is just code for Karl Marx…he hates rich people! And you should see how he feels about the banking industry!

And you won’t believe what this Bible says about gun control. It talks about God bringing peace to the earth by persuading people to turn their swords into plowshares. When obviously the way to preserve peace is to make sure all law-abiding citizens get to keep their swords! And Glocks and AKs! And even if they’re not law-abiding but at least white!

I can’t believe that among all the hundreds of books that our state legislature wants to ban from public schools, they missed this one! It’s tons worse than Catcher in the Rye!

And don’t even get me started on Part 1, which is nothing but sex and nudity!

But don’t take my word on it…try reading it yourself!

Though if it’s all true…we’re in big trouble!