Well there’s a high pressure dome over Texas

And it ain’t no pleasure dome, here in Texas

You can shoot me if I’m lyin, there’s advantages in dyin

Cause it’s cold in hell compared to here in Texas.

Why why oh why am I living in this state

When all there is to do is watch my trees exfoliate?

There’s a high pressure dome here in Texas

Step outside, it’ll kick you in the plexus

And the rivers are all dried up and we’re feeling like we’re fried up

By this high pressure dome over Texas

There’s a high pressure dome over Texas

And it’s burning up my home here in Texas

Now don’t blame global warmin, it’s that goddamned dome that’s formin

High above, says the weather man in Texas.

Why why oh why am I living in this state

Hello, dear Antarctica!  Can I expatriate?

Well there’s a high pressure dome over Texas

And it ain’t no pleasure dome, here in Texas

You can shoot me if I’m lyin, there’s advantages in dyin

Cause it’s cold in hell compared to here in Texas.

If there’s any justice in the world, Joe Manchin will fry in hell. The problem is, the rest of us will, too. We already are.

It’s so hot in Texas that the word has lost meaning. We need a new word for these temperatures. Hottissimo. Hyperthermic. It’s just hotticulous down here.

It’s so hot in Texas that people are lighting their fireplaces just to cool off a little.

It’s so hot in Texas that the AC compressors have stopped trying. They just smirk and say, “As if…”

Maybe the hotticulous heat this summer will actually change some reactionary minds about climate change.

As if…

Donald Trump has successfully created a cult of personality around himself. What baffles me is how he created a cult, with that personality. It’s like inviting someone to your home who makes insulting remarks about your wife, leaves a big yellow puddle on your bathroom floor, slips a piece of your silverware up his sleeve, and won’t let anyone else get a word in. And as he leaves you give him a big hug and ask him how soon he can come back.

I don’t really understand the resentment that’s piling up against Joe Biden. The last year and a half of sanity have felt pretty soothing to me. I could definitely use another six and a half of that. Compared to another four years of unrelenting dread and disgust…no contest, inflation smation.

Oh, you don’t like high gas prices? Then dump your F-150 and get a Yaris.

Every time there’s a massacre of innocent people here in Texas, our state’s leaders shed crocodile tears and shake their heads over “mental health.” Well, the Uvalde killer was nicknamed “school shooter” by his classmates and that apparently didn’t lead any gun dealer to think he wasn’t mentally stable enough to buy an assault rifle.

And may I say, as an actual Texan, if the plan is to reduce mass shootings in Texas by curing the mental illnesses of Texans…well Sisyphus has a cushy job in comparison…

Idea for a new law: Whenever a violent crime is committed with a gun, then the last person to take money for that gun shares legal responsibility, prison time, and/or a lethal injection with the shooter, no questions asked, legal gun purchase or not. Whether it’s the guy at the register of Don’s Sporting Goods, Gary at the “gun show,” the shooter’s cousin Floyd, or the guy who runs the Guns’N’More website. Maybe that would make Gun Show Gary stop and think about whether or not to sell the pale mumbling  teenager in army boots an AK.

As if.