Leery of a national draft for the Ukraine war, the Kremlin is offering cash bonuses and employing strong arm tactics.—”Desperate for Recruits, Russia Launches a ‘Stealth Mobilization’,” New York Times July 10 2022
ENTRY LEVEL CANNON FODDER—No experience needed, we’ll train you! Positive attitude and willingness to stand in front of professional soldiers a must!
CALLING ALL CRIMINALS—THUGS WANTED for immediate deployment. Do you love to make innocent civilians suffer? Let your inner monster out—and get paid for it! Walk out of prison today…psychotic tendencies welcome!
WARM BODIES NEEDED NOW—report now to Field Hospital 441, Donbas, Ukraine. No experience required! 1000 ruble signing bonus for O-Negatives!
BURIAL TECHNICIAN LEVEL I TO START IMMEDIATELY—If you can dig a hole we need you!
WAR CORRESPONDENT WANTED—Work from the comfort of your home! Get paid to sign your name–we’ll supply the content!
BIG-RIG DRIVERS NEEDED! Top pay to probe for road mines with Soviet-issue supply trucks! Report immediately and don’t tell mom and dad!
The Garden of Eaton 